I was once happy
by bonnieblue688
Summary: "Some wounds cannot be healed. I smiled in pleasure of what I would do. It had been so long since I had last smiled a real happy smile." Lucy was once happy.


A mere two years ago, I was happy. Over the moon. Joyful.

"Where are you now? Who am I now? Am I destined to be alone?!"I choked out, tears rushing down my face. "Is this the end? I don't **want** to be alone." Tears flowing thick and fast."It's not **fair! **Where's my fairytale prince? Where's my family? Why am **I **abandoned?" I howled to the sky. "You said you **loved** me! You lied! Did you only tell me **LIES**?"

Some wounds cannot be healed. I smiled in pleasure of what I would do. It had been so long since I had last smiled a real happy smile. The blade rose seemingly of its own accord, as I brutally slashed my wrists. Pain was not a factor, as I almost gasped in delight, relishing the pain.

Hot blood flow out of my wrists. I stared at my fingers, which were trembling in the moonlight, red with blood. So blissful, so much relief. "I was once happy."

My eyes rolled back in my head, numbness began to overtake me. Blood on the floor, blood on me and the world was spinning, spinning. Finally, darkness.

**Flashback: two and a half years ago**

"_Lucy, WAIT! It's not your fault!"He choked out, consumed with laughter._

"_I spilt ketchup on you."_

"_Not…your…fault..." He wheezed out, practically rolling with laughter." The... table's….fault."_

_I couldn't help laugh at that."You always blame inanimate objects! The poor table accused of spilling ketchup on Justin Finch-Fletchly 2 himself! Should be punishable by DEATH!"_

"_Indeed."_

_I laugh harder at that, and he smiles fondly at me. The sun reflects off his hair, giving it a beautiful golden glow; the bronze/ golden flecks in his eyes shine and I can't help but think he looks like an angel. His mouth quirks up in a smile and I can't help but love how the corners of his lips go up at the same time. He snaps his fingers in front of my eyes and I start- I've been staring again. I grin bashfully, and stare at the ground._

_Hooking his finger under my chin, he pulls my faces up and says warmly," There's that grin I love."_

_For moment I think my heart stops and my breathing catches. Hazel stares into grey, then his lips meet mine and I feel a part of me melts and goes gooey and mushy in my chest. The world seems to stop and I can't breathe. _

_We break away, and again his eyes stare into mine, deep and serious and he says," Lucy, you are brilliant and amazing, you are the light of my life and the only source of happiness in this world, I love you, so will you be my girlfriend?"_

_My mind barely registers the (REALLY) cheesy line, before my heart goes into overtime and my mouth spreads into a giddy, lighthearted grin, as I squeal," YES!" My heart was soaring to the moon and my face hurt from smiling. Justin was one of my best friends that I had been crushing on since second year, I had almost given up on him_

_This seemed like a dream come true, too good to be true._

**Lucy Diary: Two years ago - One month ago**

**Dear diary**

**The pain is ripping me from inside out, it hurts so much! I wish that I had never seen that, I wish that I could turn around time and change what happened. I knew it was too good to be true.**

**I found Justin snogging Dom. I can't believe it. I feel myself falling apart, the seams coming undone and crumbling to dust. How could Dom do that? She knew he meant everything to me.**

**From,**

**A heartbroken girl**

**Dear diary,**

**Justin is still cheating on me. I caught him and Dom again in an abandon classroom, this time actually having SEX! It feels so wrong; we never got further than second base. But he is meant for me, I know it, I know it. **

**Should I break up with him, should I accuse him of cheating on me? **

**Should I yell at Dom for stealing my boyfriend?!**

**I don't know, I'm confused. The wounds are still raw and fresh, every time I see him, I feel hurt and sad. But I love him, this is just a blip in our love, right?**

**From,**

**A confused and hurt girl **

**Dear diary,**

**I think I'm lying to myself. Everything is NOT alright, does Justin actually care?! This time, he's with that airhead, May. I want to speak up but… I just can't! I feel my life spinning out of control and I can't do ANYTHING about it. Justin is moody and angry all the time; everything I do seems to be the wrong thing.**

**May has started to bully me, is she ….. jealous?**

**From,**

**A baffled and frustrated girl**

**Dear diary,**

**I can't concentrate, my mind is whirling, I feel like crying. Justin scowls at me every time he thinks I'm not looking. I cry myself to sleep at night over this boy, he cheats on me almost every DAY! I'm a prefect; does he think I can't hear noises from abandon classrooms?!**

**I can't sort though my emotions, everything is just so WRONG, so wacky, so out of place. I have emotion, you know! I can't stand seeing Justin anymore. I feel raw, hurt, sad. No one seems to care. I've always been the invisible**__**girl. I've never been the star, the successful one, the weird one, the bossy one or the love struck one.**

**I just want to be me!**

**Justin always made me feel special.**

**From a lonely girl**

**Flashback: This morning**

"_I'm sick of you, Lucy! You're spoiled, bratty and stubborn! You don't even get good grades! Two Ps! TWO! When __**I**__ was in school, __**I**__ got all Os! __**O**__s, Lucy! Not Ps! You are a utter disgrace from the family, Lucy!" And with that my mother's howler disintegrated._

_I felt tears welling up in my eyes. A disgrace to the family? This was the only two bad grades I had received. Molly had gotten several Ts and yet SHE was not a disgrace to the family. Why me? Favoritism in its full glory, of course._

_I hate my life._

_I run out of the Great Hall. Before long I was in my dorm, sobbing my heart out. I shakily raise the knife and set it to my skin. But my hand trembles and it drops to the floor. I burry my head in my pillow and scream in pure and utter frustration. There is, after all, a reason why I am not in Gryffindor. _

_I am a coward._

_A coward._

_And in that moment, I hate myself._

**Flashback: This afternoon.**

_Justin looked at me, eyes serious. I stared back, my cheeks tearstained, eyes puffy and red. "Lucy, I'm sorry but it's over."_

_A saying flashed through my mind- __"If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much" I translated it "If you lose your good grades, your boyfriend and your mind all in two years, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much" Oops, guess I mucked up on that one._ _I glared at him and finally said the words I had been wanting to say for two years, "You LIAR!" _ _He looked stunned. I could blame him. HE was the one that CHEATED on me. "But Lucy….. I love you, how could you blame me AND call me a liar?"_ "_Loved." I corrected icily. _

"_NO! I still love you, I just need some space!" He protested. "I love you, Lucy. I swear. Cross my heart."_

_His beautiful hazel eyes stared at me. My heart melted. "One last try." I said, trying to stay firm His eyes lit up with joy. _

"_I just need space."_

**Flashback: Half an hour ago**

_I was patrolling the corridor, when I heard voices. Dom and … JUSTIN? I glanced into the hall._

"_I love YOU, Dominique Weasley with all my heart! May is just a fling. You are brilliant and amazing, you are the light of my life and the only source of happiness in this world, I love you."_

_What DID HE JUST SAY?! But he said that to ME! He told me that…. when he asked me out! How could he?! And to DOM?! My own family?_

"_But Lucy…." Dom asked a strange tone in her voice._

_What about me?_

"_Lucy is just a stepping stone. Her father, Percy, has a lot of power; he could probably put in a good word or two to the Minster of Magic. Lucy is nothing to me. She is just a pawn. I swear once, I get a decent job, thanks to her father; I WILL break it off with her. Don't worry darling, you will never have any competition. You are the only one with my heart."_

_Betrayed. Dom. Justin. There was a roaring in my ears. Spinning. The world was spinning. Pain. Heartbreaking pain. Blank._

_I ran. A stepping stone. A pawn. Betrayed by…. family. The thoughts whirled through my mind. No one cared. No one cared. No one cared. NO ONE CARED. I didn't realize I was screaming. I crumpled, sobbing, hysterical, throat raw from crying and shrieking. No one cared. The poisonous whisper crept into my head, consuming me._

_Tears. Pain. Hopeless. Lifeless. My life._

_That was when I decided. I realized that this was the real coward's way out Last message: Maybe I was once brave. I quit. I'm sorry._

They found Lucy's body in the morning, pale and lifeless, with a glazed smile on her face. At peace at last. On her grave, was written:_** Lucy, a bold and brave girl.**_

Even in death, they still didn't understand her.


End file.
